| i'm only all i see sometimes |
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| 01:09am 22/01/2008 |
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i'm getting to know myself way too much. not the me i knew before i came to rutgers.
not just the me you know, or the me rutgers knows me, or the way people at gigs know me, or the way people in my band knew me, or the way my OTHER band knew me, or the way my teachers know me, the ways strangers view me, or the way i see myself most of the time, sober me, less-sober me, professional me, jokester me, honest me, or--most relevant to me today--the a-girl-is-into-me me. not just those guys. all those guys. all my old friends.
too much smoking and too much salinger and too much time wasted on a person i thought was so similar to, and on the same page as, me--and so supposedly UNlike someone i fear even running into ever again--has me really tuned into all my other selves. i bet you all have multiple personalities too. some you don't see too often. that last one i haven't seen at all in at least 7 months...and i thought i was close to the actual in-a-relationship me that i haven't seen in so damn long. i'm a schizophrenic, man. not actually...but close enough.
nate
who even reads this goddamn thing anymore |
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| Concerto |
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| 06:06am 30/01/2007 |
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mood:  6 AM music: tired
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Hey I won the percussion slot in the UNT Concerto Competition. First movement of Milhaud's Marimba and Vibraphone Concerto. That means I get to play this movement with the symphony in April! I have to hand down my principal spot to Adan (assistant principal) since soloists don't get to be in the section for that concert.
So within the same week: April 13th MUSIC AT NOON my mini-recital; April 17th my REAL RECITAL; April 18th CONCERTO CONTEST WINNERS concert.
My recital poster is gonna be so bitchin.
This is the shortest entry ever, I just wanted to congratulate myself. Now go read the last entry too.
ho tell everybody |
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| Blues Man |
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| 12:45pm 27/01/2007 |
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mood:  blank music: clicky clicky click click clickety click
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If anyone has the album "Change" by Dismemberment Plan on their computer, please let me know and then send it to me. It's my favorite CD of theirs and I don't have it on my hard drive anymore and I really really want it back now. I need it.
I know some people who have actually gone longer without posting, but maybe not as much happens in their life that's newsworthy as does in mine, and I just don't write anyway. Shelly, the girl from the last entry (anyone noticing a trend here of me being excited about a potential relationship and then getting shut down pretty quickly?) decided to "just be friends," which as everyone knows, is girlspeak for "I don't ever want to hang out ever again, but I don't hate you so I'm going to be really nice and give you an answer that doesn't make you think it was something you did, even though in all likelyhood it was." Although in this case I don't think it was me at all, because everything seemed to be going well on our couple of dates and various hanging-outs. We didn't ever get phsyically involved in any way, or even that much emotionally, so I didn't have anything to go on when she dropped that little bomb that she was tired of this. I couldn't trip balls over it nor did I want to. I liked her, but it didn't hurt too bad.
Since then I've become re-jaded, just like after Julie and I ended. Oh yeah, it helps that, as of about two months dating a new guy, she's ENGAGED. Couldn't be less surprised, by the way. It makes me that much happier to be out of that shit when it's obvious what she really wanted in hindsight. I could never get it into her head though that it WASN'T HER, it was just the time in my life was wrong. Marriage is nowhere in my head right now. I'm fucking 21, it's just not in my near future. Had it been a different (later) time in my life, I might have made a huge, huge mistake. Fortunately enough though I dodged the bullet long before the age of ever considering taking that retarded plunge.
I've been keeping a long list (fittingly titled "idiots.txt") of people that are my age who are engaged, married, or who were engaged and then broke up like a few days later. It's a long list, people. 9 individuals or couples engaged, 7 married, and 3 in the broken-heart category, so far! And within a year I can think of several couples that will probably be in the engaged list. Now don't get me wrong, I do have some notes on the list for those that I think will actually work out or show no signs of ending. There are a few on there like that, and some of them read this on occasion and you know who you are. But then again most of those couples have been together MORE THAN TWO MONTHS. I have got to wonder what Julie's family thinks of this. I have talked to no one who doesn't think it's a horrible mistake to get married that early when you're that young. I really wanted to ask her to invite me to the divorce proceedings when she told me this, but that would have been too negative and not my place at all. Either way, it'll probably be over before they even get that far anyway, especially if they move in together. What a terrible idea that is (another one I dodged when I was still with her).
Anyway, I'm now genuinely at the point where I am forcibly staying out of relationships. Avoiding, by choice, things that might get me into them. Not going to meet that girl at her gymnastics meet even though I said I might after a very flirtatious meeting at the coffee shop the other day. And she was clearly a gymnast! How hot is that? But the last thing I need right now is to have to spend time with anyone but myself a month before my grad school auditions start.
Speaking of which, holy fuck my auditions are in a month! Goddamn I should be practicing more. I keep having horrible dreams where I'm playing in public and fucking up really really bad.
Oh yeah, I was in Manhattan and Rochester and Jersey and Boston a couple weeks ago to take lessons with grad school professors. 2 out of 3 of them weren't that bad. The greatest lesson I took back is ohmyshit I have a whole lot of fucking ridiculous competition. SO OFF TO THE PRACTICE ROOM
Oh and I ran into John Guari in The City. Couldn't believe it. Oh and Dan might have been there too. Maybe.
Horrible Band Photo in Central Park
nate |
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| Too Fastslow |
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| 08:04pm 19/12/2006 |
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mood:  Call me Girl music: "Hide and Seek," Imogen Heap, arr. Nate Lastname for Sextet
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The subject of the last entry didn't go anywhere. She decided she "didn't want to see anyone," a.k.a. got into a relationship a few days later. I don't know how serious it was, but apparently it's over now. I hate Facebook so much for informing me of all this automatically, but hell if I'm not genuinely addicted to it.
I went out with another girl last week that didn't work out either, arranged a second date upon which I realized I had no interest in her whatsoever. At least I'm better about being straightforward on the "let's just be friends" than I used to. Much better than saying you'll call and then never doing it. But honestly I don't think this girl would have waited around for me to call anyway.
So I went out to IHOP though the other night with this girl I met online (I'm sorry it happened that way, but at least we didn't talk on the phone for a month before meeting, long enough to build false impressions about ourselves). I say "went out" as if it was a date, it was more of a hang out, but we ended up talking for several hours, listening to music in the car, etc. This girl (who by the way is slightly OLDER than me, which would be a welcome change from certain girls I've dated who have been younger, and inherently--this is hardly a fault, since it's practically automatic--more immature than your average 22-year-old) actually knows about music, she played piano when she was younger and has retired it for the time being, but we have a lot to say to each other. Anyway long story short I asked her at the end of the night if she was seeing anyone, which fortunately she said no to, and if she was interested in perhaps seeing me? and sweet jesus she said yes, that she liked me. She got my number and said she'd call me, but of course I expected to need to call her, as is usually the case. I hadn't planned on calling her until two days later, not wanting to look desperate, but she called me the next day and invited me out to a different IHOP where her best friend and roommate works. I had fun again, but she had been sick that day at work (she'd told me this earlier, before inviting me out), and apparently felt kind of nasty towards the end of the night again. So I got a hug and a kind of goodbye-5-second-hand-hold Saturday, but nothing Sunday. She was sick after all, but here's the thing--I've been known to complain about the "requirement" to see your romantic interest (be they girlfriend, slowly-building kind-of-dating-girl, or otherwise) every day, but I'm so not used to going this slow! I think in the long run it's way better to do it this way, and I know the mature way to do things is to approach it more slowly. But shit man, I haven't seen her in a couple days now--I've asked her if she wanted to hang out last night and tonight, but she's told me (at least by calling rather than texting) last night she went to bed early and tonight she's probably hanging out with her friend. BUT HEY we're supposed to go on a real date Thursday when she has off work. Oh yeah, she works a lot, so up till Thursday our time spent has can only really be late at night, and of course I can't expect her to make me, the new guy, a priority. This is god or nature or karma telling me to hold my damn horses because I like this girl and don't want to fuck it up. But my genetic paranoia disease has me thinking, like always, that I must have said something stupid or she must have lost interest in me...Usually, like with the last...I think 3 girls I've gone out with since Julie and I broke up, I was alright letting them go when it was obviously not going to work, but I want new girl and I to go somewhere. Only here we go...what's that term I learned last night for two conflicting thought processes...? Damn it, it's so relevant to the situation!! Okay, cognitive dissonance. That's what I'm having. If everything goes as planned I'll be out of Denton by mid-May, so what the hell am I doing bothering with trying to get a relationship going? Plus she knows this, I told her from the get-go I wasn't aiming to get too serious (in hindsight, I should have added, "although that's completely contingent on where we end up," because I KNOW I can't prevent myself from falling for a girl; I haven't had a chance to bring that up again, and the right context might not ever re-arise). I should be practicing. But I think the fates want me to have fun at whatever cost. I'm addicted to girls. Wish me luck, I really like this one.
Oh and here's my glockenspiel case I built this week...bout time I finished this project:
Click to open SIDE-DETAIL in a new window
Nate |
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| Hide and Seek |
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| 09:11pm 22/11/2006 |
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mood:  Spin me 'Round music: Loud family in the next room, gotta go
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I haven't been in Dallas since last Thanksgiving, and I had Julie with me then. Fortunately I have yet to be subject to any questions regarding that situation, because the chances are high I'd go off on an angry rant. But that's not what I'm writing about today, no no no.
In fact I'm not really writing about a damn thing. I think maybe I should just write more often and then people would actually be forced to stop scanning over my crap on their friends pages.
Anyway, in Dallas with the family, coming back tomorrow after the whole dinner/lunch event. Mini-family reunion we always have. At least I think I'm coming back tomorrow. I should, because I didn't really practice today. But then again the buildings close tomorrow at 6 pm because of the holiday so I might stay an extra night, hang out with mom and dad and sis and cousins.
I bought my dad this hand-painted calligraphy framed version of Rudyard Kipling's famous poem, "If," at an antique store in Whitesboro last week when I was there to request deferred adjudication for a B.S. ticket I got. I gave it to him a little while ago and everyone now thinks I'm the greatest guy in the world, oh so thoughtful. I'm aware, people, that I'm pretty great, but maybe not so much praise is due. I saw this poem dad used to recite to me, in his typical fashion of memorizing really long poems and telling them to us until we're numb in the ears. He and mom are the only reason I'm a pretty...literary person (if there was any hint of bitterness at the repeated recitation of poetry, it wasn't intended), and of course dad got me into music all around. I don't usually buy people (that I'm not dating) I-love-you gifts, so I guess I'm pretty damn sweet.
Last night I went on this sorta-kinda date with this gorgeous girl I met a while back. I've been catching some shit for the circumstances of the pseudo-date. I should explain--I met this girl around the beginning of October, because she was selling some old percussion books on LJ. In fact I'm realizing just now that she is probably an avid user of the site, and I am currently writing about her on it, BUT we're not LJ friends yet so I'll just write here...then hope she doesn't see it (unless it's gonna help me out) and then I'll add her in a week after everyone does or does not read it, and make this entry private or else delete it. Or take this part out.
Anyway, so at the time we met I discovered she was pretty damn cool, really pretty (way more attractive than I deserve to be seen in public with), used to be a percussion major (!!!--a nice change from an ex-girlfriend who genuinely didn't enjoy most of my concerts and was largely unable to even pretend she did), and of course taken. I had to go and see her again once after the sale of books to pay her the rest, and both times I went over there we ended up talking/hanging out for an hour or so. I had to force myself to write her off, understandably, despite her complaints about how she and her boyfriend weren't doing too well, yadda yadda, there's nothing you can do to get a girl to make the right decision in that department, they have to figure it out for themselves.
I didn't hear from her for several weeks, then the other day she IMed me and says something along the lines of, "My boyfriend and I broke up--if you want a new DVD player it will be at Goodwill tomorrow." She sent this, obviously, to many people, it wasn't a personal thing. But, having gotten tired of being timid and ...poontarded, I might say, for 21 years, combined with the artificial confidence AIM, like alcohol, provides, I almost immediately told her I was sorry about that, but let me know when you're ready to start seeing other people because I was extremely disappointed to find out she was dating someone when I first met her. Assertive, that's the new Nate. I've only got but a few months left in this town so if I say something stupid I only have to deal with the aftermath for a little while. Anyway, a few compliments, a nice "that's sweet," etc., we talked a while and she said we should go out to eat the next night.
Now here's where I got confused--I didn't expect ANY reply to my request to let me know when she was ready to date again, let alone the same night I asked. I didn't expect much and since I actually like this girl, I didn't even want to rush things, especially considering her circumstances. Was this a date? I don't know.
We went out last night. She seemed pretty calm about having been dumped, and said she was already done being upset, that she had gone through the worst part while she was still dating the guy. She was upset, or at least distracted, a little bit throughout the night, though.
Anyway, I asked if she wanted to go somewhere nice or what kind of place? Am I paying, is this a date, what's the deal? I thought this was a date, question mark?
She says, "Oh," but she guesses, if I want it to be a date it can be a date but that she would be understandably bad company.
I told her I wouldn't expect her to act too normally or for things to go very fast, that I thought she was pretty great and would be patient, but also that I didn't want to be the "make the ex jealous" guy.
She said she didn't do that kind of thing. Anyway, long story short, she and I went to Olive Garden but she wouldn't let me pay for her (I offered), citing it being not fair since she was so out of it as the reason (that might sound crappy on the surface, but your average girl will let the guy pay just for the free food even if they have no plans for a second date). She got kind of nauseous or something, a little physically uncomfortable (no fault of my own, she said she just changed meds), for much of the date and we were only out for a little under two hours. But she had a good time, I can tell that, and hugged me at the end of the night unprompted, said she had fun, nausea and distraction aside, and requested we go out again. She also mentioned that because she was treated so shittily in her last relationship (that again, ended the day before we went out) her standards of how a boyfriend should treat her had skyrocketed, and I told her I had every intention of trying my hardest, and asked that she let me know of any unknown infraction I might make so that I could continue hanging out with her, because I really enjoyed being with her.
So I guess I at least have my hat in the ring and should be at the front of the queue when she's ready to start dating again (me!). I have high hopes. Maybe I'm unrealistically optimistic, but I really think this chick is great. I'm just not exactly sure what to think of last night. If what happened had happened with someone who hadn't been broken up with the day before I probably would think much less of the evening, but I wouldn't expect her to be at her best after that. Either way, I'm going to keep bugging her until something happens, good or bad. I'll call her tomorrow to wish her happy Thanksgiving and see if she wants to go see a movie this weekend.
So that's about all I have to update everyone about (this last story is largely directed at Ranger, who insisted that a half-date wasn't usually a date at all, or to paraphrase him, "1/2(date) = 0/2(date)." Nerd. Besides, dude, that would throw an error anyway, you can't divide zero by anything. Without imaginary numbers, at least. [EDIT: my bad, of course Ranger is a math major and would have known this, but Ben corrected me. 0/x = 0; x/0 = undefined. I got it backwards WAY TO GO MUSIC MAJOR]
Oh, and here's my best friend Amy and me on Halloween at Hailey's. She was an emo kid and I was an Abercrombie kid slash frat boy. All you can see in this is my pooka shells and popped collar, but I also had ripped up jeans and spiked hair and flip flops and a hemp bracelet. My costume did NOT go over well, in fact most people just wanted to punch me in the face the whole night. No one really realized it was a costume, they just thought I turned into a douchebag overnight.
Nate |
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| Sentimental Baby |
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| 02:24am 13/11/2006 |
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mood:  Resembling Don Quixote music: The Come Latelys
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Not like I haven't discovered something like this before, but I'm having some weird, recursive emotions on top of emotions right now. I'll illustrate this by example. Put on some old Come Latelys tunes (for the good of yourself and moreover for humanity listen to this) tonight immediately sunk into this insanely sentimental flashback, almost forgetting all the issues bogging me down in the present day, only some of those old problems are still around, if not numbed from where they were a year ago, when these tunes were recorded. I guess I'm not a member the band by name anymore--I have been removed from the website and the MySpace, although songs I recorded with them around Thanksgiving and Christmas last year remain posted (listen to "Like a Newborn," either version that's not live, "Outta the Way" and "Phonograph" and see if you can link up to me psychically). Anyway, I put these tracks on and got so damned sad because last year at this time everything was completely different. Flash forward about a monthish, I suppose, to the turning point in Julie and my relationship. Not that we didn't survive more than half a year afterwards, but shit went down the crapper for a while there last Christmas break. I shouldn't care anymore, but being in Tomball for that time was an experience completely unique to my life as of yet. I felt things then I never felt before, and, in some cases, would be thankful never to feel again. Whatever, that's not the point...I'm getting into details and that's off-topic. What I mean to say is, I'm in this funk here that, even though it's bringing me back to a time I regret ever happened, makes me maybe not actually want Julie to be unhappy anymore. I don't get to talk to her these days, I guess we aren't trying to be friends anymore, which is probably for the best, considering recent events, relationships, etc. I'm considering deleting my Xanga account so I can't read hers anymore, since it just makes me want more details about what's going on in her life when I know that it's much better for me if I just disconnect from that whole situation. I got banned from Facebook for a week a little while back for spamming, and thought about staying off, but that's one useful addiction I'm not sure I can give up.
Enough about Julie. I barely remember what I wanted to talk about, so let's make up something. No, no, I remember. Feel shitty and depressed but I want to keep that around for a while for some reason, and can't bring myself to turn the music off. It's more than what I had with Julie and wishing I had something like that back...it's John and Mike and Matt and that whole month of music with those guys I can't get back except through these recordings that I would thank God I had if I did that sort of thing.
Everything has changed so fucking much in a year, guys. Hell, in five months. Amy and I were talking the other day about late May, before TMF, when I was staying at Jenn's apartment. More has happened since then than I can even remember. More things than I feel comfortable telling the internet public. By the way, I'm still finding people that don't know Julie and I have been broken up for over two months. Of course these are the same people who think Amy and I are dating before we correct them. You know what I miss about these times I'm getting sentimental about? No big surprise here--they're the most responsibility-free times I can recall. Before TMF, it was two or three weeks when I had NO responsibility. Christmas last year, all I had to do was head over to John's house every morning and record the EP. The less I am obligated to do, the more my mind goes on overdrive and lays roots in memories I will never forget, despite how inconsequential whatever happened may be in the long run.
I'm running out of the saddest TCL songs to listen to, it's getting to the more mid-tempo tunes and the live ones with Kyle, who's been drumming in my old spot since Spring semester, so I am obliged to remind people who read my emo entries and assume I'm actually long-term depressed. I have many good things going on. I had a ton of fun last weekend in Austin for PASIC. I learned that either the sexual revolution hasn't reached Japan or I just have as little game as I always knew I didn't. Keiko Abe came into town and brought her entourage of hot marimba players with her and Friday some grad students, DK, Ed Smith, and the ensemble and I went out to a bar after Double Image played and I joined the ever-growing list of UNT percussionists to hit on the girls. I'm kind of a douche since my favorite of the five girls in the group was also DK's favorite, and I knew it, but gave me a fair amount of attention, considering the language barrier. I returned it. Didn't have a lot of time to devote to doing much more with these girls than dancing and flirting with them and buying a drink or two for my favorite (of course I say "didn't have a lot of time" but that's basically code for "am too retarded to know when to make a move even amidst heavy flirting unless I'm on a by-the-book date which I most certainly was not") The one that seemed the most conservative, by the way, turned out to be a pretty hilarious and...socially liberal drunk. I'll get pictures back soon. I got my fave's business card and will mail her for pictures in very simple English (hah!) in a couple days. Also at PASIC, getting off the topic of the Japanese, I spend not too much less than ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS on tons of awesome crap, most of which should last years and years and years if treated well. Specifically, my new baby is a pair of 18" Sabian HHX Symphonic Viennese crash cymbals that are goooorgeous. Oh, and an Abel triangle, bringing my triangle total up to three. I've been gigging a whole lot at the church and with Country Band II so it's not like I didn't have the money, and I'm not going into debt or anything. Oh, I also had some mutual funds I didn't even know existed (thanks mom) do really really well and used some of the return on that too.
Despite all that the best I've felt in a long time was laying in bed last night just thinking about a hypothetical and not-entirely-impossible series of events in the future that really turns out well for me in the hypothetical future, in which everything ends up ideally for me exactly how I want my life to turn out by next September. Shouldn't get into the details here, but I had to get up and write it down so I wouldn't forget it. It was about 4 in the morning and I didn't want to forget it, it just felt too good. Life's got potential after all.
So live it, I guess.
nate |
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| Fuck this Face, Then My Butt |
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| 06:23am 24/10/2006 |
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mood: Fuck this Face
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I got banned from Facebook recently, and most that I told asked if it was because of this picture I recently created and posted to Ben's new group, "Fuck this Face, Then My Butt," a tribute to the porno movie (which I have never seen) containing the song of the same title (which I have heard): No, it wasn't for that picture, I've been telling everyone. It's because I sent about 75 messages to people in the group "UNT Drummers" in under 20 minutes, attempting to find someone to sit in for me at a gig last weekend. I eventually did get someone, if you're wondering. But before that, it started telling me "You must slow down, or you will reach a temporary block!" which I thought meant ON MESSAGES. So I continued messaging, urgent to get a sub. I knew most of these people personally, so I didn't consider it SPAM, especially since I get bullshit mail from admins of groups (who can send to everyone in their groups at will) constantly. Nope, though, soon enough I was logged off and now when I try to get on it tells me my account is disabled, and my e-mail questions to the info people have returned no definitive answer as to whether I will ever be allowed back. Using other people's accounts, I've determined my profile page to be totally erased, and all group memberships. All links to my name have been removed and turned into text. So before this I was spending about half an hour on the site. Thirty minutes a day could well be spent on much more productive things than finding out what your ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend looks like.
Oh yeah, Julie's got a new boyfriend. I suppose I'm happy for her, but at the same time I'm pissed that she won and I didn't. It's completely logical, I know--I don't even want to be in a real relationship, for one, so I'm trying to stay out of one, and then on top of that, I probably couldn't get into one if I wanted to because I'm constantly reminded that I'm absolutely horrible with women. I was lucky enough to land Julie through Facebook, ironically, where we got to know each other outside of personal contact. The other girls I have dated have sort of just "happened" too. Every girl I've ever by-the-book "asked out" has turned me down. That's not a lot of girls, mind you, but it's never worked. Wait, no, one time it worked and it sucked and I never called her back. And another time I don't think it was even really a date and I haven't seen her since then anyway. I think--no, I know--I'm falling back into old habits of falling for a girl that's unavailable (she's a friend, or she has a boyfriend), or otherwise blowing opportunities to talk to cute girls in class and never really exchanging words with them, preferring rather to exchange "daaamns" and "sheeeits" with other guys who share my same problem.
Anyway, two things are bothering me about this whole has-a-new-boyfriend thing. Well, one thing. And then another thing that's bothering me that is unrelated to the new guy. The first thing is--Cosmo told me once that it's supposed to take a girl one third of the time of the relationship to get over it once it's over. It's been not even half the time yet. It's been said that the rebound relationship never works and is spent entirely finding out you're not ready to date again yet. Not saying I want that to happen to Julie but it would be comforting to find out she wasn't entirely over me yet, because I don't think I'm over her yet. That was the second thing, that I just realized while inebriated the other night. Most personal feelings are gone, like those "moments" I used to have where everything was right in the world and the relationship was perfect and love love bla bla bla shut up Nate I don't want to hear it. Don't get those, thankgodforsmallfavors, but no matter how much I remind myself that it wasn't working and we were fighting way too much and we didn't treat each other well enough and all this crap, it's been in the back of my mind now--and is now creeping into the foreground--that at least SOMEONE loved me. Someone was there to pick me up when I fell, and share secrets with, and hug me when I needed it. You can do that all with a friend too, but it's different with your lover, that's an emotion you only get with ONE person at a time. And it's not something that's always there. Platonic friends are there forever, or at least you've always got someone or some people in your life that can take care of you as a group when you're not well off, but man...I miss the whole love thing. As much as I like being able to do what I want and go where I want and not have to answer to anyone...no one shares my bed anymore. I always wake up alone now. I had something great with Julie, I did, and I'm glad I got her as long as I had her. I'm really only remembering the good things now, looking back. Wow. This is shitty, even though I have no plans of ever trying to save what we used to have, I think I miss Julie (sometimes). A little bit, yeah. Anyway Julie, I know you'll eventually read this, so don't get the wrong idea.
I finished my graduate school essays today and I'm ready to send off most of the applications. By the way, I guess I didn't ever say anything before, I'm trying to graduate in the spring (that's the easy part) and go to grad school next fall (the hard part). I'm applying to Temple, Manhattan, Juilliard, New England Conservatory and Eastman. All the big guys.
On that note...going to go to bed and continue reading All Quiet on the Western Front, which is totally kicking ass right now.
Nate |
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| 08:39pm 03/10/2006 |
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Still haven't written a long-ass time.
Yyyyyyep...
Sure is a lot going on though, I ought to write something down.
Maybe later. |
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| Too Easy |
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| 10:42am 01/09/2006 |
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mood:  Dead and Ugly
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When I was younger--mostly before high school--I took up a few interests that my parents invested in, trying to fan the flames that flared up, not wanting to put out any spark of creativity or possibility of a future career I might have. Little league, an archaeology camp that my mom drove me to and from for two hours for a week one summer a long time ago...Both those blew over. Sports were clearly never my thing, and digging up planted, fake animal remains kind of put me off of what would probably end up one of the most boring and thankless jobs in the world were I to stick with it. Fortunately music came along, and I am making a life out of that. Before that really took hold though, I took an art class for a week during some other summer, and I actually took something away from that. I still can't draw for shit, nor am I at all artistic in any visual medium whatsoever. I've actually got the sketchbooks somewhere back home to prove it. But we did have a unit on sculpture of which one lesson did actually stick. I remember the teacher telling us--and bear in mind I'm paraphrasing, and that I may even be getting this totally wrong--that the type of sculpture that involved building, or putting pieces together, rather than sculpting out of a solid block of wood or acrylic, was done so much less often because of its difficulty. In so many words, it was much easier to chop up a block of sandstone than to build anything out of plain sand. An analogy almost so obvious it's embarassing to say it out loud, but it's always stuck with me. It's so much easier to tear shit down than it is to put shit together.
It took a year to make me as happy as I'd ever been. It took three weeks for it all to go to shit.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not even as mad about this or at her as maybe anyone else would be--I fully understand where it came from. I was back and forth about whether or not it was worth staying in the relationship either. God knows I'll get over it eventually, I had a fulfilling enough life outside of her. But it hurts like shit to know it was so fucking easy to get rid of me.
I really do understand.
~Nate. |
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| ...But Everything Was Coming Up Milhouse |
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| 12:31pm 30/08/2006 |
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mood: Not that Surprised music: Too much Iron and Wine for my Own Good
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Julie kinda sorta half broke up with me last night.
~Nate.
EDIT: I'm saving the details for when I know how final it is.
By the way, anyone notice the title on this entry? It's a good reference--I'm hoping it wasn't lost on everyone. |
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| I am so pissed right now |
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| 12:05pm 15/08/2006 |
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mood:  SO PISSED music: Chestnut House
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There are great things happening! Julie and I have been dating almost a year; school's about to start...Yay, life is good, that's fine but THAT'S NOT WHY I'M WRITING
And I know this makes me such a loser for venting my anger by blogging, but it's safer than bitching to my friends, or worse, to Julie, who gets upset when I get this angry. Understandable, because usually I'm really cool about people being retarded (except on the road, where everyone drives like an idiot except for me), like the one time I flipped out when I got my ninth parking ticket and screamed and she got scared. So...sorry about that, baby...So, better I write this one down rather than yell about it later.
Charter can kiss my fucking ass. I hate you, customer service. I have never dealt with any technological service (internet, computer, cable, etc.) on the phone and been taken care of (a) in any reasonable amount of time, or (b) by a service rep with a single shred of competence. My internet has been cutting out almost constantly...It works for about 30 minutes to an hour, then slows to a complete less-than-dial-up-speed crawl, then stops completely until I unplug the modem and plug it back in, sometimes having to restart my computer in the process, which takes about ten minutes (I know it's a long time, but that's my problem, not theirs). So I called them today and talked to...and please do not peg me a racist for this, but an Indian or an Arabic service rep. Now, again I insist that I am NOT a racist, at the very least not against Arabic people or Indians (I have been known to be a little hasty and presumptuous about Hispanics, but blame that on my southern upbringing, and I admit that I'm almost always wrong about that), but PLEASE. CHARTER DO NOT HIRE PEOPLE WHO CANNOT SPEAK ENGLISH FLUENTLY AND IN A SEMI-DISCERNABLE ACCENT. I spent about 5 minutes trying to get the guy to say OVER and OVER again the address he wanted me to go to to test my speed out, all the while being treated like an idiot who had never used a keyboard before ("When I say 'slash,' I mean forward slash. It's the one where you press shift, then the question mark key." THANKS ASSHOLE). Of course after I restarted my computer and the modem, the speed was really fast like it ALWAYS is for about half an hour, JUST LIKE I TOLD HIM (or her, wasn't sure), then he says it's fixed and if it happens again please call customer service again. HEY. THIS HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. EVERY DAY. THIS IS THE THIRD FUCKING TIME I'VE DONE THIS TODAY ALREADY. IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN. Well turn off your firewall. I USE A WINDOWS FIREWALL AND YOUR PRODUCT IS DESIGNED TO WORK WITH WINDOWS. IT WILL NOT HELP I DON'T THINK, DICKWAD. Well whenever this happens just restart the modem and your computer again. ...Are you kidding me? I asked...You want me to just do what I've been doing over and over again, five or so times a day, and just deal with it? Something doesn't ring right with me about that. Anyway. They said fucking suck it up and we'll call a tech out to you next time. I said well I think maybe it's your fault for leasing me a modem that's been through about six or seven accounts already and has probably outlived its usefulness by now. Yeah well. They wouldn't hear it. THANK YOU DICKS
Anyway. Oh, yeah, The Great American Challenge split off into a different band (read: Chris left us, now we're a piano rock trio). New music on the Chestnut House MySpace. We recorded these super-quick just to get something to clubs.
GOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDUHHHHH
Nate |
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| Braaaaah! Got You All In Check |
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| 05:52pm 17/07/2006 |
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mood:  Got it Goin On music: Brad Mehldau's new one
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It's about time to update a little bit here...just on the...situtation(s) at hand.
I've only been back in Denton a little under a week and already I've got a bunch of things going on. Not in a bad way, I mean I've just got plans underway and a list of things that either need to be done, are in progress, or yet to come, that I'm all excited about.
The first full day I was here, I found the place I'm going to be living in for the coming school year. The day before, I had sent a spam message out to about fifty-five (seriously) friends on Facebook asking what everyone's living situation was going to be for the next semester, and no one gave me an affirmative response. I found a good 4-bedroom house pretty close to campus, and found some potential roomies all on my own, but it turned out not to be as close as I thought, so I went with my next choice, which ended up actually a WAY better deal than the other place. I signed the lease today on a 2-bed/2-bath in the Classic Oaks complex over on W. Prarie (for those of you not in Denton, it's kind of the shady part of town, but I'll survive, for the price), for 475 a month plus bills. That's only 240ish a month for each of us, and a hair more for me since I'll be there about 3 weeks before Rizzo comes back from California. I'm moving my stuff in starting the first of August, then having utilities turned on and starting to live there some time in the second week. THEN. Julie's coming up on the 11th for her P.A. training, which means the two of us have the place to ourself for a couple weeks--AWESOME. By the way, the place is like 3 BLOCKS from West Hall, where Julie will be living, and just a few more blocks to the music building. Also close to the gym, the gas station I use, and the Beer Barn. Not that I drink all that much, but to know my source to it is literally right outside my window is nice.
For the time being, I'm living at a very reduced rate in the for-now-empty room with Stones and Ross, pretty close to where I lived last year. Living with those guys is really cool, just by virtue of being friends with them both, as well as the two of them being musicians as well, so not minding me practicing or making noise in the house. They make their own noise just as often as I do.
So the new place is excitement-thing number 1. Number 2: gigs and bands. I restarted playing with the church band on Sundays (and practice on Wednesdays) out in Colleyville. 75 bucks a week ain't bad for hardly having to try at all, outside of driving. I'm pretty sure I'm going to lose that gig to the regular guy some time in mid-August. Maybe he'll give it to me though, which would be awesome. The Great American Challenge was supposed to have a gig in the beginning of this coming month, but the whole gig itself turned out to be a SCAM to take the entry fees of all the bands playing. No more details, I'm tired of explaining. We should have known it was too good to be true. As a band, though, we need to practice soon, and at the very least get the songs back under our hands, and try to start gigging. Today I played for the first time with a startup country cover band in Denton, thanks to an advertisement on Craigslist (through which I finally sold my drumset rack). Two of the guys in the band are older guys, with some band experience. Myself, the lead guitar player, and the singer are the younger kids. Actually, the singer is an incoming freshman in HIGH SCHOOL. It's the rhythm guitarist's daughter. She's a really great singer, in fact, she doesn't sound like she's 13 or 14 at all. We have a gig set for the beginning of October, for some charity event (I'm used to these with the G.A.C. already), but there's a chance that stemming from that gig and a random connection with a locally-famous country singer, we might start opening for that girl/guy (I don't remember what his/her sex is...or name. Something Watkins, apparently gets played on the radio all the time) in various places around DFW and Texas. I'm a little scared about gigs conflicting with my music stuff at school, especially if the chance for a high-paying/good-experience-gaining classical gig comes up and I've already got something lined up with this band. I'm playing with these guys just to gig, though, so it's what I signed up for. I'm pretty stoked about the music, even though I'm not a country boy at heart. The bassist and rhythm guitarists are Rush freaks, and I used to be, so we have a lot to discuss and a lot of songs to play that we already know. Julie, being more of a country girl than an avid fan of the G.A.C.'s patended funk/grunge fusion, should enjoy our shows. And finally, last I checked, The Come Latelys have some studio time to re-record some old tracks and some new ones at the end of the Summer. I guess if it's still happening, I'm going to be involved in that, schedule pending.
NEXT. The classical side. Orchestra auditions are coming up soon yet again, and, pleasejesus I hope I make principal again. I have a really good shot, I'm sure. Last year I was only one point away from Keith, but I majorly messed up one of my excerpts and sort-of messed up another one. I really did nail the rest of them, though. The list is, contrary to what people are saying, about as hard this year as last, maybe a hair more challenging. The number of excerpts is longer, but some of them are really really easy. I've been working a lot on my snare drum stuff, since it's been a weak point in the past. With my BRAND NEW SNARE DRUM THOUGH it's much easier. 14x4" Pearl Philharmonic, for those percussionists reading. So gorgeous. Deane asked me if I planned on trying out for Wind Symphony, which blew me away. I told him I had written off the (literally) world-famous Wind Symphony as a graduate-student-only option long ago, but he says I have a shot, with several openings coming up. I suppose if I don't make principal or 2nd chair for orchestra, I would probably be in Symphonic Band, but if I made Wind Symphony I'd probably shit myself and say fuck orchestra (at school--not like forever), even if I made principal again.
My recital is also coming up in the spring, which is gonna need just shittons of preparation. And even more preparation for various festival auditions next summer, much more than this last year. I hope to do at least 5 or 6 auditions, to keep my options for next summer wide open. TMF was pretty awesome, but if I can do something else, especially away from Texas, I'd like to. Not that I don't like Texas, but I mean...come on. Let's try something new. Also, I've yet to talk to Deane about graduate school selection and audition, but that is soon to be a huge issue. I've been thinking about going up to New York next summer and spending a couple weeks there, taking some very expensive private lessons with a few professors and feeling out my options. A friend I met at TMF offered me a place to stay while I'm there, and he lives like 5 miles from Manhattan. Awesome.
Stones suggested what seems like a foolproof method of getting private lesson students, too. As some of you may know, I tried to no avail to get some last year, though I did pass the audition to become certified to teach them through Denton ISD. Hopefully I'll be making some money that way, and with gigs. Ahhh, to not have a real job and make money.
So I feel at this point I've wasted most of you guys' time, if you've read all this way. Why you would care in the least about the specifics of my life, I don't know. Usually I reserve posts for more deep thinking. But this time I'm just really excited for what's to come. I think I'm going to shut up now. I miss Julie a lot. She'll read that. Looove youuu
Woohah,
~Nate. |
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| Live from the Texas Music Festival |
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| 08:04pm 25/06/2006 |
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mood:  Poop on a Lemon's Face music: "Francesca da Rimini," Tchaikovsky
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Sure is lots of crap going on that I haven't been updating about at all. I guess you all deserve a rundown.
Last time I wrote, the school year was about to end, and I was about to be separated from Julie for the longest period of time to date since we started dating. That came and went, and we made it through just fine--I practiced a lot, she got a job, etc. The only thing that became of that in the negative is this: I felt I needed, what with her absence, someone around to keep me company, a.k.a. George (the hamster). Our friend Jenn had been looking after him since I had to move out of my house, and I was staying in her apartment for the three weeks before the music festival started down in Houston, so it was an easy transition. Hamster to play with. Good to go. Friends around, played some Risk, went to the bar for my 21st, et cetera (I also went to Austin for a Come Latelys show on the same day, got drunk again for FREE [yay 21st] and played a few songs with the band, on drums and 6th-grade bells). Anyway, so I had to take the hamster back, of course, to deliver to Julie. This all in my car with the no-air-conditioning. Somewhere between the time 10 minutes before my tire blew out and the actual blowout, George died. Sad. I was freaked out that Julie would be really upset, but in the end it was me that was more affected by it. We only had him for 3 months, man, he was adorable. Go down, there are pictures.
Anyway, so TMF. That's where I've been. Pretty cool shit, glad I came. Wouldn't have another chance to be in an orchestra during the summer. Private lessons have been good. We played Mahler's 6th Symphony the first week (I was on timpani), which was the most fun so far. I've learned a whole lot...I've gotten to see Julie every weekend, which has been really nice. There have been some words exchanged with a certain member of our section who have been very flaky with responsibility. I don't want to get into it too much and get back into my previous fury, but I got in a big argument with this guy right before a concert. I really don't like confrontation, so I've always avoided it, making me pretty bad at arguing, so I couldn't explain my points very well and he didn't take them to heart at all. Let's say the guy didn't see the difference between (me) showing up 10 minutes late for a rehearsal and (him) not showing up at ALL, not to mention him showing up this last week just about after everyone had already set up all the instruments, and also never answering his phone, not cleaning shit up after himself, and basically all around putting himself before everyone this week. Tried to make me feel bad for shit, didn't work. Another guy in the section who I've been hanging out with a lot put it to him in better words, and ever since the guy's been pretty cool to me. Anyway, made a lot of friends here that I hope I'll get to see again someday. The music world is a small one, so I feel like I will.
Today I was going to practice some, and do some important listening and preparation for the last week of the festival, but I said screw that sometime this morning and went to the beach instead. I had a pretty good time and I'm glad I went, but I wish more people would have been able to find the beach me and two other people were at--I only went to hang with the people I may or may not see ever again in a public setting one last time. So not everyone was there, but everyone (like 11 people) did go out to a restaurant when we got back. I wanted to go buy a souvenir or two for Julie just to be nice, and it caused some shit when leaving the beach with a friend who just felt really gross after the sand and wanted nothing more than to get back. He'd been there a lot longer than me. I had told him we'd leave at seven, though, so at five I didn't feel bad yet, and I got everyone BACK by seven, so if there's a problem later, he can damn well deal with it. Dude, the girl that was with us is from Italy and is either really really dumb or just speaks English so poorly it comes across that way. Me and the other guy were having a pretty serious conversation on the way back and she would just butt in with her nails-on-chalkboard voice and say something completely unrelated. I mean...another dude called her "adagio" ("slow" in Italian--and music) to her face and she didn't even catch it. All in all, though, a good day and a fun night. Practice tomorrow, I say. And a lesson too, apparently.
Dude. I don't have much to say. This is lame. Sorry, guys. Oh, yeah, Julie and I have been dating for 10 months since the other day! Wow. Didn't see that coming eleven months ago.
~Nate |
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| Booty Booty Booty Booty Rockin Everywhere |
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| 01:42am 07/05/2006 |
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mood:  Pretty good music: "I'm Every Woman"
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Another picturetastic entry, mostly fixated around the fun shit at the bottom. But first, a rundown:
Finals are next week, not worried. Easy. Music major finals week equals not a big deal. Dead week is our finals week; we have juries that week, and those are over now so we're good. Though I won't see the money for a little while till they mail the checks, around noon tomorrow, in less than two days I will have made 450 bucks over two gigs. Three days before I made 40 bucks on another gig. 500 bucks this week, pretty much. And a few weeks ago, I had a 460 dollar gig. So in less than a month I pulled in about 1000 bucks. That's more than I've ever made from other gigs TOTAL in the entire history of me gigging. I've played like 8 times with the Great American Challenge, and that looks like it might start paying me after a few more, depending. I'm playing with Come Latelys in Austin on May 31st, my 21st birthday, which means FREE SHOTS ON 6th STREET RIGHT AFTER. Booyah. Might not get the recording gig this summer that I got last time, and I didn't get the Magic Flute thing, but I have a recurring church gig to go to when I'm in Denton, and a steady sub for when I'm not. I should be gigging more with another church too, the one from tomorrow--I'm pretty much the guy's first call, apparently, and the Challenge is going to be all in town for the summer, save for me being in Houston for June during TMF, so we got that going. Umm...This summer. I've been crashing with John (from the Challenge) this last week, since my lease ran out, and with Julie this weekend. Will continue to crash various places next week, then I'm staying at Jenn's apartmrent for a few weeks while she's in Australia with her fiancee, then I'm off to Houston for the festival. Not sure where I'll be staying when I come back up (pretty much the entire month of July), hopefully I can find someone with an empty room; then gonna find a place to sign a lease with my friend Tim (hopefully) starting August. And that's it.
Things are good. School's winding down. Gonna miss Julie, but other than that my summer's looking very promising. I'm rich, biatch.
AND TODAY WE LOOKED AT THE CUTEST PUPPIES EVER:
( Look at the rest...you know you want to )
(This has been my first use of cutting within an entry. Enjoy the courtesy while it lasts.)
Love,
Nate |
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| Successes |
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| 12:51pm 15/04/2006 |
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mood: Stoney McChill music: Mahler, Symphony 6 in A Minor
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Lots of crap has been going on, and I say the word in a good way. Good crap. Things are happening to me, regarding my summer, especially, in a good way. Let's have a rundown.
The bad: I don't know if I even ever wrote about this, but back in January I went down to the Rice campus in Houston with my friend Chris (from the department and orchestra), to try out for the NRO (National Repertory Orchestra: LINK), and had kind of a shitty audition that made me doubt myself. Being in Colorado for two months and playing in a festival orchestra would be pretty badass, though, and the audition rep itself wasn't that tough (I knew almost all of it already), so I went for it. Little while later, news returns that of course I did not get in. Chris made alternate. Bummer, but I was really waiting for HMI (Henry Mancini Institute: LINK) to come around. Auditioned for them (sent a tape in) at the beginning of March. JUST got word back from them last weekend that I did not get in. Had a horrible mini-meltdown about my summer, because even though realistically I knew they played favorites and it was unlikely I'd get in (come to find out that probably at least two of the three percussionists got back into the festival), I was stupidly counting on making that place a big part of my summer. So I got a pep talk from Amy, who assured me I wasn't musically worthless, and also that the deadlines on summer festival posters/advertisements are arbitrary, so...
The good: The beginning of this last week I made a bunch of calls, to Opera in the Ozarks (LINK), for whom I got first alternate last year (see an entry about a year ago, with my best drawing ever on it), to see if I couldn't get that gig. Pays well. Maybe a little boring, but pays well. Haven't gotten a call back from them yet, but that's okay. You'll see. I also talked to the director of the summer opera program at UNT to see if maybe I could play in the "Magic Flute" this summer. Very important percussion part in that, that would be cool. Not sure about that. I do have the Wind Symphony recording gig probably being handed to me because I did it last year. Anyway, most importantly, I put in a call to the Texas Music Festival (LINK) and asked if I could send them a tape. I told them I had already made one for HMI, and then what was on it. They said that would work. It was a fiasco of sorts getting the tape there because someone erased my only copy and I had to have my dad overnight his copy to Houston, but anyway, didn't expect that I WOULD GET IN. BUT I DID. That means totally free summer orchestra for most of the month of June, free private lessons and instruction with the Houston Symphony guys and U of H faculty...Fucking badass. Playing some really cool rep (also some stuff with no percussion, so I hope I'm not bored those days...but hell, the music is still great, even if I don't directly participate). Right in Houston, too, so I can still go be with Julie some nights while I'm around. Then I'm coming back, and I have maybe two gigs through the school, and whatever happens with the Great American Challenge (hey, we have a Myspace now: LINK which will have full songs up soon). I talked to the guys and told them about the festival and that I'll need to get a sub for whatever gigs they get while I'm out of town and they were really cool about it.
But anyway...this whole summer festival thing...So fucking awesome. They had to have been waiting for the right tape I guess. They sent me approval within less than a day of sending it. Given, the deadline was like a month and a half before I sent the tape, but wow. I feel really good. Should look awesome on my resume. And anyway...best thing about getting rejected by two places: my outlook on practicing and music is markedly different now. I realize, despite my soul's natural inclination to be wishy-washy, that I need to pick a specific direction. I'm feelin...symphony percussionist. My newest goal is to learn all the excerpts on the New World Symphony (LINK) call list. The place is a bitchin stepping stone to a professional orchestra. Hard work to get, but once you've got it, you've got it. Like Amy said, we aren't looking for gigs (well we are, but as for a life goal, maybe not), we're looking for the gig. And we're too good to wait tables or play in shitty community symphonies the rest of our lives. And even though I'm totally slacking off right now, and should be practicing since I'm about to go into Dallas to see one of my teachers perform in a world-renowned percussion ensemble and not come back until tomorrow afternoon because I have a 500-dollar gig in the morning, my outlook is different. I have more fun practicing now and everything. I don't know why...Just...I have a goal now. It's comforting.
So...I realize by now probably 90% of you, if you got this far...are BORED. So...to relieve your boredom, I'll...do....nothing. Alright, see ya.
~Nate.
(ignore this entry) |
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| George |
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| 10:36pm 24/03/2006 |
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mood: HAMSTER music: Kiss Me Deadly; MSN Radio
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I am the greatest boyfriend ever. If there's a better one out there, I'd like to meet him, and punch him in the mouth. Then shake his hand.
Look what I got for Julie! And myself.
(It's a dwarf hamster)
His name is George, and he's absolutely perfect. EDIT: Except he only pees and craps in his runaround ball, instead of in the corner of his cage, like he's supposed to. (end edit) AND SO TINY OMFG
~Nate. |
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| Overheard in Denton |
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| 11:24am 23/03/2006 |
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mood:  tiny features music: Tommy singing "Beauty School Dropout" SHUT UP
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Sweartogod I heard this on the way to class, inbetween Chilton and the Music Building:
"You put so much nutmeg in it, I think I hallucinated."
AWESOME
~Nate. |
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| Damn it Computer |
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| 04:33pm 07/03/2006 |
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mood: Low-Mouthed music: iTunes Indie Music Radio
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FYI, my computer is not starting. Something's horribly wrong. I haven't been able to use my secondary hard drive (where all my music is) or my CD drives for a while now, and last night, my internet went out for some reason, so I tried to restart to fix it, and it just isn't doing anything. Starts up, gives me gay message. I don't even have a floppy disc drive. What the shit. So I can't even get on AIM unless I'm at school, and I'm freaking addicted to the damn thing. It's been giving me some shit lately, not giving me IMs people tell me I'm supposed to get, signing off randomly, etc. Damn computer.
Anyway, regarding my last entry and my dismay with my own playing, this week, I kicked serious ass. On one of my excerpts I played for Deane, he called it "one of the best first runs of any excerpt I've heard here, ever." And then he went on to praise my interpretation and intuitive playing (it would have to be intuition, since I haven't ever played these pieces in real life, looked at the scores [in most cases], or done a lesson with it until today, just listened to the recordings and played along all week). I am great.
That other thing I talked about, which by the way, wasn't supposed to be the focus of the entry, has kind of made things a little...wacky between me and Julie this last week, but seems like we're on the road to recovery. We both could be a little better to each other. But in the end, damn, I love that girl. She looks really hot today, too. As usual.
Alright. Homework time.
(probably not exactly what the screen says)~Nate |
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| Fold-o-Rama |
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| 04:25pm 28/02/2006 |
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mood: Hmmm music: Latin Jazz Ensemble
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I suppose I didn't fold that bad, considering...but I just came out of a lesson with Deane where I was of course dangerously underprepared. The folds were entirely excerpt-related, which means I haven't been doing my work, meaning my listening and playing along to the pieces. It's not to say I haven't been practicing, because I have sure been doing enough, if not more than enough, of that, preparing for my audition tape (which I sent off this morning--and what a relief, as I can now take a break from marimba and snare drum for a while), but I've slagged behind in my other stuff. Timpani and vibe lessons, oh, how I have neglected you. It happens sometimes, you fall behind, but I hate it when it happens right after you feel really awesomely talented for some reason, i.e. in my last entry.
I hadn't even started to play yet when Deane gives me this talk--and I can never tell if his "talks" are personally based, as in "don't fuck up this way because you're headed in that direction" or more preventative, as in "you should bla so you don't bla." He goes on about asking me what I want to do with my career, what do I want to do after undergrad, and do I want to focus on the orchestral thing? He says being well-rounded, as I am (I am the principal of orchestra who also plays in two rock bands), is not at all a bad thing, but good luck getting a steady orchestral gig if you're "all over the place." It takes a lot of extra work, he says, getting the rep down, focusing your energies on committing your mind to the study of that one thing. I don't really want to single one thing out like that, to be honest. I like being the orchestra guy in a rock band (and there is, apparently, a major-orchestra guy that does currently play with a rock band, but Deane says he's an anomaly) and I like playing vibes and I like hand drums and all that. I like it all. Don't make me pick. But I have shown myself to be headed in the orchestral direction somewhat, and feel like I'm betraying myself for not working so hard at that lately, when I promised myself I would do extra stuff this semester, as in learning the excerpts. Of course I've been busy working on my auditions (another thing I promised myself I would do), so I should cut myself some slack. But I do feel kind of weak as a player for this.
I'm not sure sometimes what Julie's deal is about marriage. I definitely don't want to get married this young, and I'm not, to be honest, even thinking about it. I never felt as if I needed to look that far ahead when I'm focusing (or should be) so hard on my school and on my future...I love the love I get from our relationship, and I think that's enough at 19 and 20. I see us going great places indefinitely, but as for now that's as far as I can look. She wants me to "put it on my plate," which is not to say I need to propose or make a hasty commitment, but to see it as an option for me down the road (which I admit, isn't impossible). So, new thought: I think more than being an orchestral guy, I'm headed towards the freelancing thing (which, if I could get the gigs, would be more of a dream than anything--that's what Pete is doing and I've always admired and to a certain extent idoiized him), and that's just such a random life. You never know where you're going to be in two weeks, and income is hardly fixed...that's gotta be something keeping me from thinking about getting married. That and, you know, not having seen myself in love six months ago, with a girl who is dating to find a husband (or in her words, "get [her] MRS. degree"). Anyway...I'm not depressed or anything, I'm just tired and in one of those what-am-I-doing moods.
Alright, let's take a little nap and then go practice. Then other crap.
Drop-dead gorgeous,
~Nate |
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| I Should Really Get Back to my Studies |
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| 09:59am 27/02/2006 |
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mood:  The Shit music: Every Percussion Instrument (Including a Shaker)
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I normally don't write such short entries like this, and I really should be sudying for my percussion test in about an hour, but I had to share something with you all:
This morning I woke up early to come to school and get much of the work done on my HMI audition DVD. While going through the many videos (and outtakes) of myself playing excerpts and solos and hand drums and whatnot, all at top-notch quality, and all while wearing my awesome black-and-white striped bowling shirt and cargo khakis with the Oreo McFlurry stain on them, I realized something:
I am awesome. I mean it. I'm talented, I'm hilarious...and damned if I'm not drop-dead gorgeous. It's no wonder so many other music schools are wooing me with offers of full scholarships, and I don't think anyone is surprised I was awarded Sexiest Man of the Year by Cosmopolitan Magazine.
I guess sometimes it helps to remember that old saying: "Nate is fucking awesome."
~Nate. |
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